Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
