I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
