Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize