I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
