News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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