Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
