I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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