The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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