90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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