Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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