Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
