we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
