If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
