dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
