my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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