Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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