Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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