I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
