I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
only if we run a train.
done.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
