The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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