sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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