Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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