perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
