Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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