gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
