...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
