I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
