Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
