so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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