we have officially lost it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
