Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize