That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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