I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
