I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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