Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
