I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
