I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
