She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!