i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal