His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
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Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.