end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME