I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse