My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted