Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They have beer where we have blood.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it