and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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