You made me cry and you don't even care
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize