Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
