we're chasing vodka with high fives
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
