Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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