I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize