Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
