Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize