Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
