True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
