when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
