If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
