I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
