Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
