Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
