There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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