So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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