Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He is an equal opportunity slut.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize