Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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