Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sext me about skeletons
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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