I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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